Empty Boxes

Cardboard boxes sit on the floor stacked one inside another waiting to be filled with something other than each other. I keep meaning to begin the task of loading them up, but the energy required to do so is too much to conjure up at the moment. So I walk around them resenting their presence and their implications.

I know once they are packed, taped and stacked in the corner awaiting their departure, there will still be so much of you left behind. I don't think we will ever permanently erase the traces of your steps or untie the cords you wound around us. Your words will play in the background like the muzak at the grocery store, distant but ever present in our activity and no control over the volume.

I must simply take the first step and it will be done. Yet I know I cannot box up the guilt or the the anger. I cannot tape shut the resentment or the pain. I can't wrap up 3 years of a childish war in brown paper and tuck it neatly next to the control you held. There is no box that will hold the regrets that this is what it is.

Healing does not come in neat packages. Neat packages are no substitute for healing.

Assemblance

I've been at it again, it seems I can never leave well enough alone. The urge hits me and everything in my way gets turned around. It starts with me wondering if this chair might look better in that spot and perhaps that picture would show off this wall and then I've found myself having gotten in deeper than I'd like. Oh, and don't stand in one spot for too long because I will dust you off and stick you in another room as well.

There are specific goings on I could finger as the impetus of my furniture whirlwind. On the one hand the action helps me to work through the stress and worry of the moment. On the other hand the shuffling about of the tangible in my life is indicative of the desire to rearrange the intangible. That which cannot be moved nor cannot be made to be seen in a better light.

I've spent quite a few hours and much energy switching this for that, and back for this. Dusting it off, putting it up high and then back down where it was. Let's turn it this way, no, on that wall...first let me sweep under it and polish it up a bit...there, hows that? What do you think? Now that spot is empty...hmm. This lamp will bring some light in this corner and that mirror will make this wall seem bigger oh, and I think a plant here will make it lovely. Maybe I should paint it and get new pillows and those curtains I saw would look lovely in here. Too many things over here? Not enough over there? What if we just took it all out and started over?

Of course with no budget and even less room I am limited. And I know that no matter where I move the pieces, its the same old chair, the same set of books and the same set of circumstances. As much as I would like the situation to be different, nothing has been moved, nothing has changed. I can dust it, polish it, place it here or there, take away from it or add to it and no matter, the situation remains the same.

Yet, at the end of the day, when I sit down in the room there is a whole new perspective. Yes, the same chair, but it looks so comfy in that spot with the love seat. Yes, the same books but I really like the way the knick-knacks are mixed in with them. Of course the same corner, but with with lamp on the little table it doesn't seem as dark anymore.

At the end of the day, with the room put just so, I feel a new perspective on the situation as well. Yes, the very same circumstances abide, but they somehow seem more manageable now. Yes, the same feelings are there, but there are some pleasant ones mixed in as well. Of course I remain at the same place, but with the lamp of God's Word it doesn't seem as dark anymore.

A Writer Writes... Always

The blank screen may stare back at you. You probably rest your waiting fingers on the keyboard caressing each key like some genie in a bottle hoping the magic will pour forth. Perhaps words jump in and out of your brain as if on a trampoline just outside your window, trying to get your attention. Yet the words don't always form a worthy sentence, the sentences don't always transform into coherent thought, the thoughts do not necessarily merit ink.

Sometimes the words lay cold and lifeless, the screen a pale death white, both demanding and deserving 6 feet of dirt, a cross and some tulips. Oh, but when the ideas form, life bursts forth from you. The blood begins to flow, the heart begins to beat and up rises your Frankenstein of expression.

No matter what, you are always writing, always. In your mind conversations are logged, characters are noted and everyday occurrences are remembered for just this moment - when you sit down and purge your soul of the day. Life no longer happens without the thought, "I am so blogging about this!". Words play dress up and tag in your head vying for the chance to be The Title of your next post. Admit it, it's true and you know it.

My First Blog Rant

You know, I gotta tell you, you won't catch me posting about much beyond what goes on in my life due to the fact I am not an expert in anything other than what goes on in my life. I won't talk politics or computers. I won't give you a sermon or try to explain the theory of relativity. I absolutely will not tell you how to raise your child while you simultaneously make creme brulee...nope folks, I pretty much stay far from all of that. BUT I will occasionally talk about, laugh about or rant about those subjects I am so ignorant about.
So here it goes.
I just got through reading about the adorable little miss Sally Fields' statement at the Emmy's.
It goes a little something like this:

"If the mothers ruled the world, there would be no [GD] wars in the first place."

She didn't understand why they bleeped her, saying:

"I didn't say anything bad, I was just adamant about what I said."

Seriously Sally? I so very much disagree. You did say something bad and it's not the use of GD that offended me. Nope, I'm nobody. However, I know it offended Him, and He will take care of it if He so chooses.

What was wrong, in my humble opinion, is that you claimed all the world would be a place of peace if women, particularly mothers, were in charge. Hon, let me tell you something I know for certain, not only would we have wars, we would probably even have some of them because of our children. Is she crazy we wouldn't have wars? I mean have you not seen women try to kill each other just to get to a cheap wedding dress? What's a few more women or men in the way of letting you have that nice piece of land you want? or even worse, your child wants? Don't think it wouldn't happen, it would. Especially if men stood in the way or if it was for a man...we certainly kill each other over them don't we?

Oh, and don't hold a meeting at Camp David while anyone's PMS'ing either, jeeze, we'd annihilate the world's population with one push of a button just to prove our point and then cry about it while eating their food. Then throw in a few mothers of teenagers. I can testify personally that this subject alone would make a woman think about ending all the suffering of mankind.

And then there's our eMiLy's, but I won't go there tonight ladies and gents.

Hey, I am not saying the world would be worse off if women ran it, but I also won't agree it would be better off if we did. The world is no better or worse for what gender of human is in charge. Male and female, we are both frail and given to the very selfishness of our sin. We both serve our desires and our wants. We both have the intelligent and the not so intelligent in our genders. Each set has their own ideas, their own agendas and their own way of getting something done. Add some power to that and well, you get the idea.

And yes, let's save the world and stop the war, I want my boys and girls (and my son & daughter who are there) back home. I want the war ended. I don't like war, who does? None of those things have anything to do with me being a female or a mother (well, except for me wanting my kids home). To think that it does is preposterous and just as preposterous to think only men are responsible for the war in the first place.

Thanks for listening.

Memememememememememe...

My first meme. I have to tell you lovies, I hope I can come up with 8 things about you don't already know...
First, I need to give you the legalities. Can't have anyone suing me over this. So pardon me while I get all Moses on you and lay down the law:
The Rules:
1. I have to post these rules before I give you the facts. (I told you!)
2. I then have to come up with eight random facts/habits about me.
3. At the end of my post I need to choose people to get tagged and list their names.
4. I am supposed to remember to leave them a comment telling them they’re tagged, and to read my blog.

Now with the fine print aside I get to go on about myself...(in fact, I used to think that is why they were called memes but sigh I was wrong.) Oh prepare yourselves hearts of mine, this is going to be... something, I don't know what. I will let you think of a word...

#8. I like burned popcorn. No, no, I lerve burned popcorn. The way it smells, the way it tastes. In fact I often burn it on purpose. I'm sure there is a dietitian/nutritionist somewhere shaking their head thinking the poor girl has a vitamin x deficiency. That's okay hon....I'll just get it from the popcorn.

#7. I was a vegetarian for about 4 years. Hard core. I would even take my own serving of food to church dinners because I was very sure there would not be a vegetable in the place that wasn't deep fried in animal fat as well as no edible protein. I cannot tell you why it started. It's not like I felt sorry for the animals...I just couldn't take the sight, smell or taste of any kind of animal product. Oh but I fell folks, right off the vegetable cart...one day, I went to a barbecue and I was never the same again. I was on the back porch, and an evil wind brought to me a smell so delicious...tempting me to turn, calling me taste, beckoning me to run away with it. And I did. And it tasted so good. I am not ashamed people.

#6. I hate to be tickled. It makes me violently angry. I think it has something to do with the fact that my much older sister and brother once tickled me till I cried and wet myself and then made fun of me. It just makes me feel so helpless.

#5. When I was young I wanted to be a nun. Perhaps it was the outfit or maybe because of the show at the time "The Flying Nun" made it look so appealing. I have no clue....I cannot repeat what Mother Dearest (not a nun) told me I would miss out on if I became one. It's probably good I didn't...

#4. I was a hooker for about 2 years. Now slow down peeps, slow down. I worked for a company called Bill Lewis Lures in Louisiana and I was responsible for putting the hooks on the lures. I also painted lures for about a year but it was much more fun being a hooker.

#3. I don't like odd numbers of things. When I grocery shop if you get 3 for a dollar I will buy 4. Weird I know...

#2. I am addicted to Diet Coke. Diet Crack I call it. I drink about a gallon or so a day. When I was having heart problems I stopped for all of 2 weeks and got right back on the bottle. My favorite is with crushed ice and from a fountain. Dang I'm feending...

#1. I am weird about my feet. I don't like them to be touched by anyone or anything. I wear mostly sandals or flip flops and would rather be barefoot all the time (yes then the floor is touching them, but for some reason that does not bother me). I've only had one pedicure in my life and while it was really rather nice I had to control the urge to scream bloody murder during the whole thing.

Okay. I did it! Woo hoo!!!! Now, I am going to tag some people...
First Flamin' Larry
Second Meg
Third Dr. Bombay
Fourth Mrs. Rosen

Tag you're it!!!

Insert Catchy Title Here*

*Working Title. Other suggestions: That Was Easy. Give My Regards to Broadway. The Gifts in the Mail. The Answer is Always Beer...and Jesus! Where's That Monkey? (The title is not: Jesus! Where's That Monkey? The title is: The Answer is Always Beer...and Jesus! new title: Where's That Monkey? but the other way is pretty dang funny.

I've been gone a while, yes it's true. I have no excuse really other than my man is back and I've been busy and tired. Read it however you want...
Their trip to New York was fruitful, glory to God. I've got a few hundred thousand pictures of them working and playing. These are some of my favorites:

I had a wonderful birthday....Some of you know already that the gifts I planned to give to you were somehow mysteriously 'out of stock'. That stinks. I've replaced most and some are even on their way as I type. Someone asked why I would give a gift when it's my birthday. The only answer that matters is because I want to. Here are a few pics from my day:


This was my desk at the end of the day. What you don't see here are the gifts, the gift cards and all the songs, cake and hugs a girl could want!


This is me holding my 'birthday card' from the Grand Lux where Denise Dahling and Amy K. took me to lunch. Dude, you had to roll me out of there. You don't even know!

With the pictures from New York we had a few that were on the roll from home. I don't think I've ever talked about my dogs. I have two. Sunny & Shady. Here they are:

This guy on the left is Sunny. A very proper and well behaved dog who has lived with us for 4 years now. We adopted him from some friends of ours whose newborn was very allergic to him. They wouldn't give us the baby, so we took Sunny.




And...

This one to the right here is Shady. A very not proper and not at all behaved dog. Shady just came to live with us about 6 months ago. We adopted him at the ASPCA. You can't tell it here, but we shaved him ourselves. Ok, maybe you can tell it here. We just didn't want to pay what they were asking for an 8 pound dog. Some have told me they were going to report us for animal cruelty...


Maybe this is why:

I dont' think we did too terribly bad for our first time out...Shut UP! Poor baby, he is hanging his head in shame. I am prepared to pay the groomers whatever they ask after this little mis-adventure. Both my daughter and myself walked away sweaty, scratched up, covered in dog hair and extremely exhausted after two hours in the HOT Houston sun. One good thing came out of it, we are both very sure we do not ever want to become dog groomers.


Well, I think that is about all the new pictures I have. I don't have any games, questions, deep thoughts or poems. I can't seem to get myself to writing lately, but to quote eMiLy, that's OK.

And the Winner is....

...Everyone!
Silly me. I never told you the answer...
1. This is true. Take me up anywhere even remotely high and hear me scream.Ask my kids, they do this just for laughs...
2. YES even this is true. As bizarre as it may be, I am royalty. Move over Queenie...I want my throne. Really though, Lord Snowdon left his title to come to America and marry the love of his life. Ah romance!
3. LIE! LIE! LIE! I cannot take the temperature being anything above 70. Which happens to be very, very unfortunate because I live in the Humidity capitol of America. Hotter than the hot place, Houston. We do get the brief reprieve called winter which lasts all of one weekend sometime in January and we get a blessed high of maybe 50 degrees. Oh I cannot wait. Hey folks, I am pretty well insulated, I live for the cold!
4. Yes, true, and by some of your comments, true for you as well.

(I put all of the rest of this in the comment section, but have found a lot of people do not go back.)
So, I need everyone's address so I can mail the prizes. Everyone's even yours Jen 1. I said they would be awarded, I didn't say to who. And since I love to give gifts, everyone gets one! You can email that to me at emailmoya@gmail.com.

Karie - Watch your language - the only one swearing will be me...

Laurie! - Honored, I am sure! Yes, I changed the word but only because of the haters...of which I am not.

Court - you and me both, but you my friend need the pounds (and your little twins too) I do not. Although I look like am about to give birth to twins!

Carissa - Sorry about your hubby...I had mine out when pregnant...Hope he feels better!

Jaclyn - Isn't that the same thing you got me last year? I am so thinking, if this is my best life I want a refund Mr. Osteen...And just what is your answer to my game?

Jen (nejyerf-jen)- Nope, sorry. Although, it does sound pretty far-fetched especially if you know me...I think all the blue blood ran out before I was born! It's kind of cool we could be related though, I am Welsh on the daddy side too...

Jen - I think the poem has it all wrong...

Nancy - Never. And what is your answer?

Shae - As long as the heat (edit:the heat you are going with) aint Carlos! ;)

LMS - Lies?! Lies?!?! Would I lie to you? Would I say something that isn't true? Wait, that sounds like a song....

Kelly - The night was hot, wait no, the night, the night was humid. The night was humid, no wait, hot, hot. The night was hot.
The night was sultry!
Sorry, any excuse to quote Throw Momma From the Train.

I just wanted to thank you all for the funny cards, the gifts, the flowers and the songs...

Favorite Birthday Memories:

• Nancy singing me Happy Birthday while channeling Elvis.
  
• Amy telling me "You don't even know!" (Because I wouldn't dip my beignets) Oh, Amy ignorance was bliss!
• My daughter's homemade card that said "I love you more than chocolate!"
  

Later that day...
Everyone - I'm still waiting for the addresses...(well except one person and you know who you are...)And for the most of you, don't think you can hide my pretties, I know where you work and I can hunt you down...

Tuesday's Child

Hello dearest friends, beloved bloggers and adoring fans from the four corners of the globe. Today is the big four-one for me and this is my not so shameless Happy Birthday to myself-post. For a while I've pondered just how to to celebrate this most joyous and momentous day with you. See, as a child, I never had birthday parties...aww, Dana...I know, sadness, very sadness. So I thought I would throw my own par-tay and invite every single one of you! I know, cheesy...but eh, who cares...it's my birthday and I feel like being a just little cheesy and extremely par-tay-ish!
At every birthday party you must have lots of balloons...

Those should do nicely...And of course you absolutely have to have a cake....


I think we will just look at that one...here is one we can add an inch to our thighs with....sorry it's chocolate Sharona!



I loathe, despise and abhor party games of any kind, If you love me, please do not ask me to come to your party and play them. However, I do want each of you to play a game...so here you go:
Four truths and one lie:
1. I am terrified of heights. Absolutely - scream like a sissy - terrified. But lately I've been thinking we've got that wrong. It's not truly the high place I am afraid of, it's the low place I might fall to...so I guess you could say I'm afraid of lows.
2. I can trace my family roots (on mommy dearest's side) to Welsh royalty, and I don't have to go far. Lord Snowdon (not the infamous womanizer) was my great, great, grandfather.
3. Summer is my favorite season. You will never catch me complaining about the heat, bring it on and turn it up.
4. I moved out of my house when I was 15 and have lived on my own (well, with the exception of husband and kids) ever since.
5. In the car, I have to turn down the radio when I am trying to find where I am going. Silly? I know, but I can guarantee someone is reading this and shaking their head in understanding.
Please put your answer in the comment section. Prizes will be awarded, so make it interesting folks.

Now we can do other cool? random things. Like have the Rain Man tell you about the day you were born. He informed me I was born on a Tuesday, and on Tuesday we have pancakes. And since I was born on a Tuesday, the little poem below says I is full of grace. (I heard that ya'll). Good thing too, cause the Lord knows I need grace seeing as how I'm a 666 child. Yep, 6th day in '66. For some reason I always wanted to be Monday's child and thought perhaps moms lied and I was really Wednesday's child.

Mondays child is fair of face,
Tuesdays child is full of grace,
Wednesdays child is full of woe,
Thursdays child has far to go,
Fridays child is loving and giving,
Saturdays child works hard for his living,
And the child that is born on the Sabbath day
Is bonny and blithe, and good and really, really happy.

This website tells you some cool stuff about the day you were born. I love stuff like this, because it always gives little clues to who you are and where you came from. Some things about the day/year I was born:

Hit Songs: Monday, Monday by the Mama's & The Papa's, Nope, I was born on a Tuesday. Definitely Tuesday. I'm a Believer by the Monkees, Cherish by Association, Wild Thing by Troggs and You Can't Hurry Love by the Supremes.

Hit t.v. shows: Get Smart, Star Trek, Green Acres and Lost in Space.

Popular toys: Twister and Mystery Date.

Well then, that was so not insightful into the world I call mine own. You too can find out semi-interesting and meaningless facts about the year you were born. Go here and make your own time capsule.

I read somewhere if you put your name or date of birth into Wikipedia you can find interesting facts. So here is Dana in Wikipedia and September 6 in Wikipedia. I particularly like the fact that there is a Catholic, a Korean and an Israeli Transsexual all named Dana and all pop-singers. What are the odds? Now you can enter your date or your name in Wikipedia.

After all that cake, the games, the entertaining and feckless (write that one down girls) trivia about someone who is not me, it is time to sing me Happy Birthday...

again...

...blow out the candles and go home. I am getting old you know, I can't stay up late like when I was a youngin. It happens in your forties, just ask my med student.


Don't forget to answer. And celebrate, I mean truly celebrate this day!

I Heart NY

With Jesse in New York for the week, the kids and I have thought of him often, prayed for him lots and missed him very, very much. It seems no matter what we are doing, we see a reminder of where he is (and more so, where he is not). It would seem to some that this is merely coincidence. Like when you buy a certain model of car and you start to see them everywhere. But I don't believe in coincidence, I am of the belief that everything happens for a reason.

On Saturday we made a trip to the mall...*shudder*...eee gads I hate the mall, but I needed a haircut so off we go. The first sign of the Big Apple (ha! I just realized that one) was the Apple store, we went in to find something and Eddie made a bee line for the iPhone. He pulled up the screen as I watched and the very first thing we see is the weather in New York. Hmm, how funny...Off to get a hair cut and then some lunch and our way the kids noticed New York & Co. Then a little further down they noticed The Yankee Candle Co. Wow, I think to myself, this is cool....In the food court we are sitting by the Sbarro's and the kids notice another reminder the New York style pizza. Alrighty then, we are seeing this every where...

The next day while flipping through channels I stop on one of my favs, the Food Network. Rachel Ray is making my mouth water in 30 minutes or less, and the recipe? It's from Utica, New York. That made me smile. I get on the computer a little later and check the news. Front page, Fox News is the story of a shark beaching itself in Rockaway Beach, New York. And today, there have been more sightings, this one a news story on Fox about the New York Tourist Welcome Campaign. I know now that these reminders are far more than just we miss you. But, of course we miss you, you are dad and my beloved. But mostly we have thought of you in selfish ways, with respect to how your absence has effected our life, caused our discomforts. Such as, you aren't here to strong arm the kids when they won't listen to me. You aren't here to motivate us to mow the yard (if you were here, you would mow the yard and motivate us to come out with you). You aren't here to help me decide what's for dinner, or better yet, grill dinner. You aren't here to see what the que is on Sunny's back cause it's gross and none of us can do it without throwing out...up, sorry, inside joke. (single moms/parents, much respect) So rather than see the next little reminder of you - while watching United Flight 93 - and go aww, we miss him, I begin to pray. I begin praying for God to bear fruit through the New York team, much fruit, lasting fruit (big apple). I pray for the weather to be favorable for the painting of the school and the evangelism trip (iPhone). I begin to pray for God to shine so brightly in your hearts and eyes that everyone the team comes in contact with sees the Light of Christ in the darkness of the city (Yankee Candle Co.). I begin to pray for the team to be united and become one strong instrument in the hand of God to do His will. I pray for the Word to be shared and multiplied like Jesus multiplied the fish and loaves (the pizza slice and the shark). Prayer for those who will be welcomed from New York into His Fold (the welcome campaign) and so on.

So now, we have our eyes out for New York sightings and our hearts sensitive to what the Lord would have us pray. But this last little reminder - it's just for me, just for my heart. Because my love, I would so love to be along side you doing the Father's work. When I came across this today, it made me smile. This photo is from a website that shows various photos of walls from around the world. While most of the walls I have seen are in London...I have found very few to be in New York. This picture is on a wall in Romania:



Pretty cool huh? I hope to add more to the list, this is after all only day 3.