Black Clouds

Here in Houston we are under a severe thunderstorm watch and a tornado warning. And I LOVE IT! The blue eyed weatherman warns it could get ugly.

I hope so.

Yes I am a sick and twisted woman, but I am not alone. My sweet friend Denise derives just as much joy as I do from seeing the radar smeared with red. What is that about? Probably something that happened to us as kids. Either that or we just need to get a life.

And as much as I love a good thunderstorm, I've given up black clouds for Lent. Not the ones I love and look forward to, the ones that I just know are hovering somewhere around the corning just waiting to come & rain on my parade.

Not that I have parades. I've never even been in a parade. I don't care for the music. Or the crowds. And frankly, clowns scare me. Oh wait, that's the circus.

Where was I? Oh yes...clouds. Not clowns.

Just before Lent began my friend Sharon and I were discussing this particular affliction. You know the one where you think God is just waiting for you to get your happy on and wham! He hits the smite button. Or pulls the plug. Or whatever it is you think may occur when God is displeased or says no or is just having a bit of fun with you.

Now, as a child of His I know He isn't up there just waiting for me to do anything. And I know that He is not a mean and hateful old man displeased with His children's joy. I know that He in fact commands us to have joy...I said this was an affliction didn't I?

So as I was saying, Sharon and I were discussing this and we both agreed that we needed to give this foolish waste of joy right up. It isn't healthy and it was sucking the fun out of life like an Oreck vacuum cleaner. I wish I had one of those...

For instance, I was waiting not at all patiently for the news of my surgery being approved or denied and I just knew it was going to be denied and that is all I thought about most of my waking moments. I was cranky, quiet, couldn't sleep and was easily made to cry. Yes, this is different from normal.

Why couldn't I let go? Why could I not just say, "whatever happens happens and dangit, I am going to suck the life out of life"?

Miss Sharon writes about it FAR better than I do. Read her post and you will agree.

So we agreed that would be the perfect thing to give up for Lent. We decided no more black clouds. No more waiting for shoes to drop.

That was 6 days before I found out my surgery was approved and I cannot explain to you how freeing those 6 days were. Amazing.

Now 10 days in, I am looking forward to black clouds again. But not the ominous "just sit in the corner and eat your porridge" black clouds.

No baby, those bring no joy. I am looking for the "color my radar ruby red and watch the lightening streak across the sky" clouds. Now there's a parade!