ZZZZZZ.......ZZZZZZ..........ZZZZZZZZ

Well the promise of ugly weather turned out to be a huge! disappointment. Just a few gusts of wind and a spit of rain. Pitiful.

Saturday evening I had to have a sleep study done in order to make sure I don't have sleep apnea since I snore. Loudly. So loud that metaphors & similes such as "dynamiting a mountain" and "bringing down a forest" and my absolute favorite "Darth Vader" have been tossed about as a comparison. Nice huh?

We arrived at 9 pm and didn't start the test until after midnight because of technical difficulties. It seems she couldn't get any readings from the sensors that were attached to my head. Insert brainless joke here.

The whole time she was trying to get the dang thing to work she kept talking to herself. Then she would walk in wiggle the wires, take off a sensor, scrub the spot with alcohol and trying everything all over again. After the fourth time scrubbing one spot I wanted to tell her that pretty soon she would reach brain matter and the sensor could just get stuck into that. Perhaps I had a mole or something there and she thought it was dirt.

I did that to my daughter Elena once. She was about 6 or 7 and we were getting ready somewhere and I gave her a quick washcloth bath. Afterwards I started to put up her hair and then I saw she had these really dirty spots right by under nose and by mouth. So I got the washcloth and scrubbed and scrubbed and I asked her what she possibly could have gotten into. She told me "mom, those are moles!"

Well they weren't there the day before.

I have to give her points for determination though, she hung in there until everything cooperated. The sleep technician, not Elena. She asked me to lie flat on my back and wait until I heard her voice and then afterwards she would come put me down. She kept using that term. She was going to put down the other gentleman. She would get me put down soon. Just wait a minute baby and "I'll come put you down."

Put me down? Did I look like a lame horse?

Don't answer that.

Honestly I think the term 'sleep study' is a misnomer, sleep has nothing to do with it. Or at least that's what it was like for me. I tossed and turned for several hours and then it hit me...I had to go pee. Oh great, I'm wired into NASA.

When I couldn't take it anymore I asked her if I could use the restroom and she told me she was going to end the study. That upset me. There was no way I was come back and do this all over again. I didn't even sleep. It was a waste of time. It was a waste of money. And there is no way could my poor scalp take another one of her scrubbings.

Certain that only a couple of hours had passed I asked for the time. It was 6 am. And just when did that happen? So I asked her if we had enough time recorded and she said she was positive we did "you snored beautifully!" I wish everyone felt that way.

She should have come home with me because I slept all day Sunday. And Sunday night. I don't think I even snored.