Someone back east is goin' 'now why don't he write?'

Remember that quote? Of course you's from Dances With Wolves. Great movie. I remember right after that movie came out Jesse and I gave our kids American Indian names. Eddie was Wind In His Drawers, and Elena was Screams With A Fist.

I won't tell you our names lest I gross you out.

I guess I've been away quite a while...Stat Counter & Site Meter both register readership way down. From like 3 a day to 1 a day. Sorry my faithful reader!

I truly have not had much to say. Oh sure, there's been a funny thing here or there. A sad thought to share, or just an everyday occurrence to post about and keep in touch with all those I have come to know and love in Bloglyvania. If I would just take the time and make the effort to get myself in front of a computer and write. I mean, a writer writes always. Right?

But that's just it. I have not had the energy nor have I cared to take a moment or make an effort. There is something that has stood in the way and you may or may not know this about me, I battle depression. And I mean battle in the all out war sense of the word.

For a very long time I've had the black cloud that follows me in life well dispersed and no where to be seen on the horizon. Medicine, faith, family & friends were all a part of managing the dark little stalker of my soul.

Then I had surgery. Medicines were stopped. All of them. No need for it right? Blood pressure was good, blood sugar was great, I was losing weight and I was a happy little girl. Until about two weeks after surgery and I realized...uh oh, I've not been taking my happy girl pills. Realization came a bit late for I was no longer a happy girl.

So I say to myself, before I enter the danger zone and the little black rain cloud becomes a full blown category five hurricane, suck it up girl and start taking your pills again.

And I tried. I really did. The problem is that for the first 3 months after surgery my surgeon does not allow you to swallow any medicine, it must either be crushed or chewed. And so obedient little me went a bought a pill crusher and tried again and again to calm the storm that was brewing.

But I gotta tell you, there's nothing like swallowing a spoonful of battery acid, having your mouth go completely numb and your head feeling as if you've just stepped off of the tilt-a-whirl after riding for hours on end. Oh, and all those lovely feelings last for hours on end. Yeah, that will cheer you right up.

So I did what any normal human in my condition would do. Stop taking the vile crap. Ah but nuclear meltdown would fast approach and I make a lame attempt all over.

I tried hiding the poison from hell in almost everything too...Sugar free fat free pudding. Crystal light. Applesauce. Yogurt. Yogurt was the worst. I think the combination of the milk and battery acid upped the whole world is spinning side effect several notches.

All that to tell you this is where I've been. Lost under the black cloud and just not giving one bit of a care about anything. Ignoring friends, family, housework, life, blogs and pretty much everything under the sun. No pun intended.

And I apologize. I know I don't have to. I know you understand, you may even have your own black cloud to tend to.

But I want you to know that I love you guys. I want you to know I will be okay. I have managed to take the happy girl make the black cloud go away pills for 2 weeks straight now and I am starting to see a little sunlight break through. I am starting to feel again.

For instance, I actually care that you know that I care.

Or something like that.


  1. I'm so sorry you've been suffering- I am way too familar with that black cloud myself- & doubly blessed to hear that it is lifting. Prayers & blessings to you, Sister-dearest.

  2. Oh Dana, I've lived under that cloud and I've taken those pills.

    I understand.

    I'm so glad you're back, keep blogging!!

  3. Hey sorry to hear about that as well - You have go to listen to these two sermons - there are from Tommy Nelson (who is a pastor n Denton and was "knocked out" for a while because of depression. He came and spoke at our chapel twice about - check it, and let me know what you think? (maybe someone else wants to listen - there are VERY GOOD)

    You will have to copy and past the link in your browser -

  4. Glad you're back! I have missed your more frequent updates, but hey, who am I to complain since I am not good about my own updates being frequent! :)

  5. Let me know how far north you are going & I'll give you a list- between Hubby & I, we've covered most everything from Mexico to Oregon :-)

  6. Oh dear! I am so sorry you've been obliterated by the black cloud. It's no stranger to me either, damn its black soul.

    ((((HUGS)))) and prayers that you feel much, much better soon.

  7. Meg,
    Thanks so much, the prayers are felt and appreciated!

    I did...I will keep trying.

    Thanks...I will try!

    Listened to half of the first one. Seems mostly targeted to those in ministry. While I work at a church, I don't consider what I do ministry....Is the second one more for the laymen?

    So glad you are still around...wasn't sure.

    We are starting in Carmel and working our way north up the coast. So looking forward to it.

    Yes, damn it's black life sucking soul. Does it ever go away permanently this side of heaven? Probably not...


and remember, words are my love language...