Weight Bearing Walls

During the first 4 months after my weight-loss surgery the pounds rapidly melted off of me as if a magician were pulling pound after pound after pound from his sleeve then a wave of his hand and a tap of his wand, voila! Gone. Each day I greeted the scale with a smile and it always, always, smiled back. *Sigh* We had such a good thing. At least that is how I remember it.

Now I hate the damned thing. Alas, a little too much time together and the newness of a relationship wears thin. The magic is exposed for the slight of hand illusion that it is and the memories, once cherished, are now seemingly empty and worthless.

We quarrel constantly - rarely seeing eye to eye on anything that should matter between us. I long to see it, so we meet and it quickly goes bad and I'm back to calling it off - for good this time. We've tried time apart, seeing others and seeing one another only on certain days of the week. Sadly, nothing seems to bring repair to our broken relationship.

It and all it stands for and in between, torments me. So much so, I've named the scale Dementor. Soulless and soul-sucking it feeds on my positive emotions, my happiness and my good memories. Whenever I'm in it's presence I relive my worst memories. I could devour a hunk of chocolate after our dates and I regularly scream Expecto Patronum! at its cold, dark self.

So why continue on with the wretched affair? I can only say it is done so in hopes that this time it will be different. I mean there are still moments when it is actually good between us, telling me what it thinks I want to hear. Teasing me with just enough affection that I, despite everything else, want to stick around.

But, for the past 4? weeks my scale has read the same number, over and over, to me. Although I know the inches are moving (because my clothes grow steadily baggier) I long with all my heart for the number to decrease. I long for it way, too, much.

I am coming to the realization (yet again) that, this information (not affirmation!) dispensing mechanism holds too much weight in my life. While not truly a weight-bearing wall in the construct of my heart, I treat it as such. Fearful of collapse upon removal and giving it full credit for the support of my entire being. Ah but deep down and truthfully (somewhere), I know it to be a non-weight bearing wall for it only supports itself.

In my mind, I know the number displayed does not display who I truly am, nor could it measure my self-worth or indicate how I should feel. It is a scale and not a thermostat registering the degree of my value on any level. Information, not affirmation.

I know this. But do I live this? No. No, at least not every day. Or even every moment of every day. I am a work in progress. Under renovation, as most of us are. Daily I am breaking down the lie of that deceptive wall so that I can have a better view of the truth. In its place, windows and open spaces. More room for lesser things.

So tell me, what holds too much weight in your life? What do you give credit for full structural support where no credit is due? What non-load bearing wall(s) should come down? And what would you do with the space it would create once it's gone?

On my scale I've written the following:

THIS holds no weight.

And I believe it.


  1. wow - well done your *clap* *clap* Do you do any exercise ie at the gym?

  2. Hi Judith,
    Thank you so much! I do exercise (love pilates and weights) at our GYM at work/church. I try for 4 times a week, but usually only make it 2 to 3 times. When I don't "exercise" we walk the dogs...

  3. throw those scales away Dana! you've more than shown you can do it - you don't need them any more!

  4. Ali,
    Part of me (perhaps the new part, the Mini-me part) agrees whole heartedly.

    The other part of me screams bloody murder at the idea of it.

    Thanks for then encouragement. I am working on it day by day.

  5. Does the scale print out a sticker of the days figure for you to wear all day?

    How about this for an idea:

    Why not wrap up your scales in beautiful Christmas paper worthy of the time and attention you have given it? Then place it under the front wheel of your car and move forward (in both senses) thereby giving it a good Christmas send off.

    You know yourself the progress you are making...

  6. Dana, Happy Happy Happy Christmas to you all xxx

  7. So many reasons to celebrate Dana! Happy Christmas.

  8. Just stopping by again to wish you a very happy Christmas and every blessing for the New Year!

  9. oooh...this is a thought-provoking post! I'll have to think on it and get back to you...

    and fwiw, I agree that you should tell mr.scale to hit the road!

  10. I do not weigh myself anymore and refuse to make it my master. Good heavens, Elmer, you have absolutely won this battle and will continue to win this battle. You are such an achiever in this fight. Never, ever doubt yourself. Deal? Love you.

  11. Ali, Wils & Cosmo a Happy Christmas to you as well...albeit late!

    I guess it is a matter of learning that the number does make match the progress...which is what I am saying (I hope) in the post. It is a battle, one I am fighting to win! Thanks for your encouragement.

    Thank you and I look forward to what you have to say. I know, I know...but having measured all previous successes of a diet (which I KNOW this IS NOT) by the numbers it is a hard habit to break. Thank you for the encouragement!

    I was at Barnes & Noble yesterday reading an excellent book on WLS. The doctor recommends not weighing daily, but not ignoring the scale completely either. He also discussed a lot of the emotional attachments, detachments and upheaval which I have been experiencing a lot of lately. It was a little embarrassing to be in the middle of B&N crying, but it was good to hear someone gets it! (our WLS Support group hasn't met in months and doesn't until next week...) I hear you and appreciate your encouragement...everyone's encouragement I really do. I know I'm a success, I'm not fishing for compliments truly, just hashing out the emotions and being real with the good and bad of it all....

  12. EDIT:
    Cosmo, that should read:
    The number does NOT make or match.
    Carry on. :)


and remember, words are my love language...