With Brains Like These...

I know I've mentioned this before, but I really think my brain is out to get me...
Not in the sense that I'm hearing voices, or I'm paranoid (dr. dr. help me please, I know you'll understand). No need to call the guys in white coats to come get me.
But in the sense that 'it' thinks to have a bit of fun and games with me and replaces words that I mean to say with totally unrelated words. Or worse just hides the words all together.
Sometimes I have a good grasp on words and I am able talk without sounding as if my medication is critically past due. Then there are days like...

Me: Lunch is over, time to go back to work, but first I am going to get a highway.
Them: Highway?
Me: No, not highway. Refill. I am going to get a refill.
Brain: Tee hee

or

Me: Eddie! Turn down your chair, er, music!
Eddie: Huh? (not confusion, just can't hear me.)
Me: Turn your (drawing blank) what in the world is that called? I just said it...Sigh.
Brain: Snickering

There was the slightest hint of things to come at an early age. I was (am) overweight and wore (wear) glasses and as an only child (bro and sis were (are) 10 years older so really, same as) the social skills were null and void - lets just say not even Martin Prince Jr. would eat at my lunch table. I stumbled over everything I did, especially the spoken word and soon grew to feel the warm fuzzy security of pen and paper was the best place for me to communicate anything. But oh, I tried so very hard to be accepted...once at camp, I was about 11, and it was share time. The counselor had just told us that her birthday was in September. I say quite loud to the whole group of girls and boys and counselors "So is mine! That makes you a virgin!" Horrendously. Loud. Laughter. And you know what's worse? At 11 years of age I didn't have a clue what they were laughing about. I had yet to have "the" talk (that came about 4 - yes 4 - years later and included a pamphlet with cartoons and the phrase "your juices are flowing"). More laughter. I was humiliated to say the least. I think I promised myself that day that if I could help it I would know what I was talking about. I am pretty sure I've broken that promise several times over.

The brain game has effected me in other ways as well. I don't like to give speeches. (Yeah, I've turned down hundreds.) I don't like to be called on for answers. I do not like to pray out loud.
Pastor: Dana would you pray for us?
Me: (gasp) Sure? LORD, we ask that you heal our farts...feel our hearts...oh forget it. Amen.
Brain: LOL!
Pastor: um, thanks?

Why does it happen? Who knows. I am pretty sure everyone experiences this little shell game with their brain. Watch the word and if you can tell me which shell your word is under & you get to sound like you are from earth. Swish, move, spin. Which shell is the correct word under? Shell #1, #2 or #mouse, er I mean 3. Dangit!
I've tried to pin down the problem, you know self-diagnose the issue. Don't tell me you don't do the same...So, does it happen when you are stressed? No Doc, but then again when am I not stressed? Well, does it happen when you are hungry? See answer number one Doc. Hmm, does it seem to happen when you need sleep? Gee Doc, you aren't much help. Go back to med school and call me when you are 40...I surf the net for the symptoms finding no answers on Google, but I did find out that I am quite possibly a cyberchondriac. Whew, I feel so much better.