I send you love from the distant planet known as My Own Little World, which I've been completely engrossed in for quite some time now. I do hope you'll forgive me my bit of selfishness.
Truth be told there isn't much to report. Even so I am sure I could go on for a while...about nothing....surely....yep, I'll just bet.
I've even tried reading a blog or two, but get called away on some diplomatic mission here in My Own Little World. They do need me so.
Writing has been even harder. Seems I sit down to write and the brain escapes to its Very Own Little Planet.
Contagious stuff this selfishness.
I did return to work last week and strangely no fairies or elves or even little leprechauns had come along and finished my work whilst I was away. Not to mention they do not allow you to visit previously mentioned planet of your own making - they even frown upon it. Something about earning your pay and milking your sick leave. Sadness upon sadness. Can you say sadness children? I knew you could.
I seem to be doing better back here on planet Earth than I have in the previous weeks. Just last week I could only work/focus/stay here on Earth until 2 or 3 pm and then I was just plain dead.
Not mostly dead. All dead. There is a big difference between mostly dead and all dead. Mostly dead is slightly alive. I was not slightly alive. Perhaps I rushed Miracle Max and you know what happens when you rush a miracle.
This week - much better for all involved. That is not to say I had any more energy than last week, but I made it through to 4:30 before I felt the life drain from my body. Leaving me mostly dead. Or slightly alive.
The most excitement in the last 2 weeks has been my lovely Erienne coming home for a visit. She came back from Kuwait to be with her brother before he deployed to Iraq. Afterwards, she came and visited My Own Little World and rather liked it...she eventually had to leave though, the Army does frown on not returning when they ask. And I'll just bet they can find my world no matter how I try and hide her in it. Sadness once again.
See folks, other than that life here in My Own Little World is rather about nothing and without much ado.
Sigh. I wonder how long until others start to move here and begin its undoing.
Greetings Fellow Earthlings
The Good, the bad and the Downright Uuugly....
Oh my word! Has it already been 14 days? I've had my family home all week and it has gone by so fast...
What a freakin' crazy white water ride too. Emotionally, physically, everythingally.
The Good
Monday we journeyed out to Barnes & Noble. For me, this is as close to Heaven on Earth as there is without being sacrilegious. (For my husband Heaven on Earth would be Northern Tools, Home Depot or Lowe's) Not to mention this particular B&N sells Starbuck's right there. Not that I am a Starbuck's devotee, no, no, no mon ami's, just a coffee devotee. Coffee and books. Yesssss. I wonder, will there be books in Heaven? Hmmm...
I wandered through Heaven slowly in a literature induced euphoria literally salivating over the innumerable selections before me. I started with six, narrowed it down to three and only walked out with one, The Pig Did It by Joseph Caldwell. What a delightful choice at that. And truly, the fact that it was set in Ireland, had nothing to do with my decision.
Okay, maybe just a bit.
Speaking of Ireland...I found it rather humorous that every aisle that I walked down had an Irish book of some sort on display. I don't believe this was because of St. Patrick's day otherwise there would have been a whole display. Just a smidgen of irony I think...
I took pictures...well, what pass as pictures. Again, I don't have a decent camera and all I had with me was my phone:
I am quite certain I would have found many, many more, had I actually tried to find these. Or, with irony such as it is, perhaps not. No matter the case, it gave me a smile or a laugh each time and made me think of new found friends. Mayhap a nudge from the Lord's to pray for them...after reading about Ali's dreaded flight disease, and Pluto's furry visitor, I now understand.
The weather has been dutifully accommodating for our week together. There was the empty promise of some nasty storms on Tuesday. Sadly we didn't get as much as a spit of rain from the skies. No thunder, no lightening, not even one danged ominous black cloud.
And with the good weather we've begun work on our summer project for this year. The west side of the house. Or as Miss Nancy Mon would say, "A big shout out to the west si-eeede!" Sigh, I so miss her. And many others! I actually look forward to going back to work tomorrow! Crazy huh?
Back to the projects, er project. The side of the house is terribly overgrown. The couple that owned it before us apparently became ill and unable to take care of all the flowerage and vegetation. So we've been out pulling up plants that have become more like weeds. Cutting down bushes that have become more like trees. So far we've filled 12 of the super huge lawn bags and have lots to go. Yee. Haw.
The Bad
On Wednesday and Thursday my emotions got the best of me. My son left Thursday for Iraq and I have to tell you that right now is one of the most difficult times in my life. For one, he has decided to be angry with me for reasons I won't go into here. And in my mind this isn't the time for anger...this is the time for forgiveness and letting others know just how much you love them, no matter what.
Which I made sure he heard from me even if I didn't hear as much from him. For two, if he is mad at me okay, I am a big girl, but dang, he should have at least talked to his step-father and brother and sister. They are very hurt as well. For three, well I guess it is just a matter of this is the third one there which takes me to harder and harder places. And four, my emotions are on shaky ground to begin with considering all that has gone on before.
Shaky ground because even though I no longer feel physical hunger, I cannot sate my mental hunger. And the mental hunger is a far more difficult battle to wage war against. Like ghost pains for an amputee.
The Ugly
For the emotional eater, add these two together - the surgery and my oldest son leaving - and you have a cataclysmic situation on your hands. At one point I longed for the pots of meat in Egypt. I understood how the Israelites could even consider the choice. It seems far easier to go back to what required no struggle, no growth, no death of self, than to go forward in seemingly endless circumstances.
As I pause from typing this I look up at the tack board filled with pictures and notes and cards and such. But the one thing that sticks out is this, a note written to myself:
My Refuge is the eternal God. Deuteronomy 33:27
My Hope and my faith are in God. 1 Peter 1:21
My Security is in God. Philippians 4:19
My Acceptance is in God. Isaiah 62:5
Those words have been a reminder to me to stop looking to food, people and earthly things (yes, even books and coffee) for refuge and love. These are found only in God.
And no matter how much my heart hurts, how my stupid mind wanders back to those pots of meat and chains of slavery, He is the one who will meet my needs.
No matter what.
This is It...
Reality is a deceptive word. It seems that you know exactly what you are headed for, but later you find that the reality of then, was only what you thought it was.
Not a mirage. Not fantasy. Not even a misguided belief. More like a belief that is at each moment evolving, once blurred by thought and now sharpened by experience.
Two weeks ago, in reality, I fully realized that in 14 days I would have surgery. I knew the reality was that this surgery would absolutely change every aspect of my life - permanently. And I, being of sound mind, had done my homework thoroughly and was, or so I thought, prepared for the road ahead. No regrets, no fears, no worries.
And one week ago, in reality, I had said surgery and all things I imagined it to be, were brought in to focus and no longer what I originally thought, but now what I knew.
And then there comes a moment, when you wake up several days later, have chicken broth for breakfast for the third day in a row, have absolutely nothing you recognize as hunger for the third day in a row, have six large incisions across your belly and no idea if what you are doing is even going to work, when you say to your educated self, "Oh me, you had no clue. What have you done?"
All those so called well-informed-ideas that kept away any presentiments you might have had, go tearing out the door leaving it wide open for those nasty neighbors known as doubt to walk right in and make themselves quite comfortable. And you? You have not an inkling of what to say to them, how could you? You've never been here before.
This is not to say that I now feel some form of regret. Not at all. Just reality, sinking its sharp little claws deep into the very pit of my brain better known as the heart and the soul. The innermost being as it were.
And too, reality is a word pregnant with possibilities. Possibilities that, when given breath, put to death the shadowy doubts that cower in the corners of your mind. Possibilities have their own reality, a reality that itself evolves.
The hope of victory becomes a tangible reality one day at a time. The desire of perseverance takes yet another step on solid ground. The thought of resolve pounds in your heart one beat to the next, drumming out the whispers of what if and not you. And these realities become more and more at home in your mind than the doubts, the words of naysayers and the fleeting fears that once tried to nest.
And what was, transmigrates in to what is. And this day, this is it, this is your reality. Make it what you will.
Catching Up
Sorry I've been gone so long! Whew, just had a little something going on lately :-).
Catch up with me, one post at a time...
Catching Up - Happy St. Patrick's Day!
Catching Up - Many Thanks
Catching Up - the "S" Word
Catching Up - American Idol
Catching Up - At the Movies
Catching Up - Happy St. Patrick's Day!
We all know, no matter what your heritage, we all have a little Irish in us. This year, I actually have the honor to 'know' several wonderful people from Ireland.
Ali, Pluto & Cosmo, Happy St. Patrick's Day!
Hey folks, it's more than green beer, getting pinched and 'Kissing me cause I'm Irish'....not that any of that is bad...it is just how we celebrate it here in the states. But there is SO much more to St. Paddy's Day than all that.
In honor of the Lá ’le Pádraig, the lovely Ali had a give away and yours truly won. True to her word, I received the parcel in time to celebrate all things Irish. Please excuse the horribleness of this photo, I have a sorry excuse for a camera...
Yes, that is Bailey's Irish Cream. Yes, you are jealous. Yes, I loved everything in this Irish bounty! My favorite has to be the Escape to Ireland booklet. Words cannot describe the way I feel looking through the pages.
She thought of everything, a DVD of Ireland, CD of Celtic music, a book on the history of St. Patrick - the dude not the day. Lollipops with little shamrocks on them, balloons, happy St. Paddy's day banner, an Irish Blessing mousepad which I use right here at home. And even a true Shamrock...I would include a picture but again my camera stinks. Nope, not operator error thank you very much. Right down to the green glitter and the shamrock glitter. It was/is everywhere!
I've so enjoyed meeting my Irish friends. They make me wish I was Irish or at least lived in Ireland. Could you not listen to them all the time? Well, here is your chance. Take a listen to Mr. Pluto (I so hope this works!).
Pluto's N. Ireland accent
Happy St. Patrick's Day everyone!
Catching Up - Many Thanks
There are many blessings that have come my way this week. I just wanted to share them with you as much as I can on a blog...
Flowers...
Dahlias from my hubby. He hearts me...
Gerbera Daisies from my hubby. I heart him...
Tulips from my co-workers. I heart them too...
Tulips from Denise. You guessed, heart her...
Tulips from my co-workers. Repeat.
Begonias from my hubby. Romantic isn't he?
Flowers from Rae & Kelly. Heart & Heart.
Speaking of Miss Rae...she bought me this cup since all I can do is sip. She said I might as well sip in style. Heart, heart, heart. She picks the greatest little gifts.
A beautiful plant from my bosses. Yes yes, I heart them too.Other blessings that have come along this week:
My azaleas bloomed like crazy.
The house next door sold to a young couple. Glad they are moving in.
Nice house huh?Another blessing...I stopped waking up at 3:33 in the morning.
Well, I guess I better go. Thank you everyone, I love you all!
Catching Up - American Idol
So whether you watch it or not, you know you've heard of American Idol.
I happen to watch it. From beginning to end I am glued to the screen. Love the bad ones, love the good ones.
Here are my three favorites this year:
Brooke White, cannot get enough of her. Her voice is raw, it is real and it is unadulterated by the pop world. She could hold her own with Carly and Carole and she likes Bonnie Raitt! Brooke is my absolute favorite. I hope they totally Daughtry the girl, then she can go on and do her thing.
Jason Castro, oh my. Chiseled features. Blue eyes. Dreads. Okay, so normally - dreads? not so much. But child he works them. And, a voice that makes you dream. What's not to like? I would love to hear a duet with Jason and Brooke.
David Archuletta. Sweetest kid. Cutie pie. And he can SING. He is my third favorite and no matter what, this kid will go far. Hopefully he will stay grounded enough not to become big-headed about his talent or go off in to the deep end of the drug and alcohol pool.
So who is your next American Idol?
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