The Good, the bad and the Downright Uuugly....

Oh my word! Has it already been 14 days? I've had my family home all week and it has gone by so fast...

What a freakin' crazy white water ride too. Emotionally, physically, everythingally.

The Good
Monday we journeyed out to Barnes & Noble. For me, this is as close to Heaven on Earth as there is without being sacrilegious. (For my husband Heaven on Earth would be Northern Tools, Home Depot or Lowe's) Not to mention this particular B&N sells Starbuck's right there. Not that I am a Starbuck's devotee, no, no, no mon ami's, just a coffee devotee. Coffee and books. Yesssss. I wonder, will there be books in Heaven? Hmmm...

I wandered through Heaven slowly in a literature induced euphoria literally salivating over the innumerable selections before me. I started with six, narrowed it down to three and only walked out with one, The Pig Did It by Joseph Caldwell. What a delightful choice at that. And truly, the fact that it was set in Ireland, had nothing to do with my decision.

Okay, maybe just a bit.

Speaking of Ireland...I found it rather humorous that every aisle that I walked down had an Irish book of some sort on display. I don't believe this was because of St. Patrick's day otherwise there would have been a whole display. Just a smidgen of irony I think...

I took pictures...well, what pass as pictures. Again, I don't have a decent camera and all I had with me was my phone:



I am quite certain I would have found many, many more, had I actually tried to find these. Or, with irony such as it is, perhaps not. No matter the case, it gave me a smile or a laugh each time and made me think of new found friends. Mayhap a nudge from the Lord's to pray for them...after reading about Ali's dreaded flight disease, and Pluto's furry visitor, I now understand.

The weather has been dutifully accommodating for our week together. There was the empty promise of some nasty storms on Tuesday. Sadly we didn't get as much as a spit of rain from the skies. No thunder, no lightening, not even one danged ominous black cloud.

And with the good weather we've begun work on our summer project for this year. The west side of the house. Or as Miss Nancy Mon would say, "A big shout out to the west si-eeede!" Sigh, I so miss her. And many others! I actually look forward to going back to work tomorrow! Crazy huh?

Back to the projects, er project. The side of the house is terribly overgrown. The couple that owned it before us apparently became ill and unable to take care of all the flowerage and vegetation. So we've been out pulling up plants that have become more like weeds. Cutting down bushes that have become more like trees. So far we've filled 12 of the super huge lawn bags and have lots to go. Yee. Haw.

The Bad
On Wednesday and Thursday my emotions got the best of me. My son left Thursday for Iraq and I have to tell you that right now is one of the most difficult times in my life. For one, he has decided to be angry with me for reasons I won't go into here. And in my mind this isn't the time for anger...this is the time for forgiveness and letting others know just how much you love them, no matter what.

Which I made sure he heard from me even if I didn't hear as much from him. For two, if he is mad at me okay, I am a big girl, but dang, he should have at least talked to his step-father and brother and sister. They are very hurt as well. For three, well I guess it is just a matter of this is the third one there which takes me to harder and harder places. And four, my emotions are on shaky ground to begin with considering all that has gone on before.

Shaky ground because even though I no longer feel physical hunger, I cannot sate my mental hunger. And the mental hunger is a far more difficult battle to wage war against. Like ghost pains for an amputee.

The Ugly
For the emotional eater, add these two together - the surgery and my oldest son leaving - and you have a cataclysmic situation on your hands. At one point I longed for the pots of meat in Egypt. I understood how the Israelites could even consider the choice. It seems far easier to go back to what required no struggle, no growth, no death of self, than to go forward in seemingly endless circumstances.

As I pause from typing this I look up at the tack board filled with pictures and notes and cards and such. But the one thing that sticks out is this, a note written to myself:

My Refuge is the eternal God. Deuteronomy 33:27

My Hope and my faith are in God. 1 Peter 1:21

My Security is in God. Philippians 4:19

My Acceptance is in God. Isaiah 62:5

Those words have been a reminder to me to stop looking to food, people and earthly things (yes, even books and coffee) for refuge and love. These are found only in God.

And no matter how much my heart hurts, how my stupid mind wanders back to those pots of meat and chains of slavery, He is the one who will meet my needs.

No matter what.